I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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