I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
