Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the day after is always just damage control
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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