I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
