Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
