After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Welp...herpes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need to calm my uterus...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
