she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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