first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
zippers are such a cool invention
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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