i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
