The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
