The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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