Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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