i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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