It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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