I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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