when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
