you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
