I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
