Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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