He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's never too late to be topless.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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