So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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