Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
