Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
