it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
handjob tips. give me some.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
