Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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