That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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