Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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