Dual....:-)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
