we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
