I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
