How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
