Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need to sanitize my soul.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
