this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i think i just lost a toe
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize