home. puking in laundry basket.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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