I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
