My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
