So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You are a genius and a whore.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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