I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
