She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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