this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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