i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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