UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
