so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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