yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
