I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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