tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
