You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
