I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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