Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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