Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
