i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
