think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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