I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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