What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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