Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
